… in just about every area. I always feel like I’m working one step above my capacity – which can be great, and challenging, and certainly fuels growth. But I’m starting to burn out on never feeling any amount of comfort at the level I’m at because I’m constantly running to catch up with what others expect of me. And I, of course, expect myself to be the best at whatever, and therefore keep running.
In acting, I bounce between feeling very professional because I’ve been doing this so long, and feeling like a total newbie because I’m playing this game for real now, in LA, in the most major arena. I feel like I meet people who assume I have all my professional ducks in a row – when really I’m just nodding and making notes about whatever they’re saying, reminders to myself to look all that stuff up later.
In my design business, I’m constantly asked to level up on each new project- I’ve never made a site with the same technology twice. I have a great breadth of shallow knowledge, but when is there a moment for me to acquire the depth?
In my relationship I often feel like I’m stuck at the 22 year old me, throwing tantrums and barking insecurities at my partner, who fortunately is so loving and kind that she just fixes me a cup of tea and removes herself from the path of my storm.
It’s like that Teddy Roosevelt quote, “Whenever you are asked if you can do the job, tell ‘em, Certainly, I can. Then get busy and find out how to do it.”
I feel like I’m so busy finding out how to do my life, I don’t have time to live it.