I am the valedictorian of worry and self-doubt. But whenever I muster the courage to ask the universe for help or guidance, I get pretty strong –and often immediate– answers.

Take, for instance, my rambling last post, recounting my spur-of-the-moment tarot card reading two weeks ago. I went into the little room with a general sense of confusion, something not being right. The only question I asked directly was “what the heck am I doing?” But the thoughts in my head are always about giving up acting because it feeds too much on the ideas that I’m ‘not enough’ of this or that… too butch, too femme, to tall, too fat, not nearly fat enough, etc.

Last weekend I bought my tickets for all the OUTFEST events happening here in LA these two weeks. I decided I would participate this year, even if I was just going to suss it all out, and of course, knowing that I would be noticed if only because I’m still (basically) the only butch actor in LA. (Or at least the only one who’s not already a famous lesbian comedian.)

The day after I got my tix, I received a message asking if I would like to perform at OUTFEST, in one of the events I had planned to attend. In a reading of a new screenplay. In front of a ton of queer filmmakers. Because they were looking all over for butches and androgynous folks, and through word-of-mouth they found me.

So on Thursday night I’ll be clad in a suit, reading a butch role in a new screenplay set in the butch/femme bars of the 5os, in front of the who’s who in up-coming film queers.

I guess I asked for the answer to be “really, really clear this time.”  I get it, universe! — as I say above, I’m here because we should be seen.